“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” Ralph Waldo Emerson.
This quote inspired me when I read it, it made me want to be stronger in who I am. Stay more true to myself, and be persuaded less by the people around me. To know who I am and be that person all the time no matter where I am or who I’m with. But then I realized something.
How on earth can I be myself when I am not even sure who that person is yet. Sure I am a happy, optimistic young adult. Who at the moment really likes, Bruce Willis, classic cars, tattoos, and rock climbing. I can do that, but just like the weather here in Texas my ideas can change just as quick. I have been struggling with this I realized since I moved to Texas State. Of course I didn’t realize it was struggle or that maybe it was putting unnecessary weight on my shoulders but it has been.
When you go off to College or move away from home you don’t realize it at the time, or at least I didn’t. That your whole little zone of normality changes. Before moving from home, I would seek the approval of my closest friends that I’d known for years and that knew me very well. Or from my family and close relatives that helped raise and shape me. Now being in San Marcos I realize I have been trying to do the same thing. Seek approval from my closer friends down in this end of Texas and the approval of new adult figures and family. Or at least get them to understand me. But my family is not down here and my new friends have only known me for two years or less depending on when we met. So how is that plausible at all?
Basically the zone of normality I had before has changed and has left me open and free to try new things. Made it now possible for me to be persuaded easier than before by my peers. And make decisions that maybe back in my old zone of normal I wouldn’t have. So how can I be myself when for the past 20 years, 18 of those I was in a whole different place, with different people and different ideals. I was pretty sure I was a young Christian girl, who had morals and boundaries she set for herself that have now vanished and changed in just the past one and a half or so. That continue to change all the time. What I believe today may be different tomorrow, and what I seek in a future boyfriend may not be the same next week. Yes, Ralph Waldo, I want to be myself and be true to that but what if myself is the kind of person that loves to try new things, including new hobbies, new friends, new organizations, and complete new views on life. Then I guess that’s the person I am going to be!
Many times I think we look at our friends and family and it seems when we talk to them they have the same angled responses to most questions we have. You know this Aunt will have her spiritual angled response. And this friend will tell you to let go and live. This new friend will tell you that you should do this or that and my Dad will always give me the laid back response. So you kind of learn how to talk to them. But really none of that matters because those perspectives are just ideas. Ideas and opinions form other people. They are changing too, even if they don’t seem like they are. Or maybe their not, maybe they are so sure of themselves and their views that they have already figured themselves out. But remember that their normal is not yours and all of those people that surround you are in a whole world of their own.
Today, I am going to be the Sierra I want to be today. I’m not going to worry about what Bob, Sally, or Susie think I am or was. Or who my family knows me as or see me as. Because that all is up to me and could change in the next hour. Who knows maybe Ralph meant to be me, in each moment, knowing that from moment to moment we as humans can change. That being yourself may mean a self that is influenced by “that world” that is trying to change you. So in this moment, if someone tries to tell me that Miley Cyrus is an alien I may for 2 seconds change my mind and agree but then again maybe I won’t.
The beautiful confusing life of a 20 year old student. Constantly changing and re-thinking, but most importantly growing. Growing a lot.
I hope you are all having great weeks. Half way to the weekend!
Here is a little transformation for you.
9th Grade SierraJunior Year in College Sierra
Love, a constantly changing, possibly persuaded, steady optimistist,
P.S. I am about to post this hoping that I typed my idea in a way that made sense to you all. It could be just a jumble of thoughts, either way I hope you enjoyed it.