This semester I can say has been my favorite one so far. The classes I am taking have been the most challenging but something about this pre-21, third year feeling is the best so far. Maybe its because of my familiarity with San Marcos or my high level of comfort in this town. Not yet a senior but only a semester and two months away. I don’t feel like a rookie anymore but I don’t feel like a self entitled staff carrying Senior either. But that’s coming soon!
Throughout my college experience thus far I have learned so much, I don’t even know how to sum that up in a pretty sentence. But its been one big self identifying, thought provoking two and half years. As my Dad says “I have had a lot of things to ponder my navel on…” What I want to share with you though is my most recent lesson. I learned something that I suppose we all already know but don’t always rememeber. Through my past couple of blogs I have talked about “What you manifest is before you,” and “How to be confident in being yourself.” But lately I have been coping with both of those things in a different sense. What is right and what is wrong? How do I manifest what is before me, be myself and make sure it’s good, and right? How do you follow your gut, live in the moment, but also make good choices. What exactly is a good decision?
In the past, I would listen to adults in my life, family, and teachers tell me their opinions and I would form my own based on which of theirs I liked. We form our own opinons based on our environment, upbringing, books, movies etc. But sometimes I think we let these opinions hold us back because of our obsession with right and wrong. For example, “Don’t smoke.” a common taught lesson. Some say, don’t smoke, because it’s bad for you. Other say “Well, the bible says your body is a temple” so you shouldn’t harm your body. There are a million reasons that someone could tell you something is good or bad, right or wrong. Or a million reasons why its not. This, I learned was confusing me. How do I make good choices? What is right to me or wrong to me? I remember when I was in the youth group as a kid my director told me in a Chrisitan sense that he belived “sins” or sinful choices weren’t the same for everyone. The bible may say do not smoke, but if that action is not taking you away from “God” then that action may not affect you in a sinful way like it may for others. To me, God is love, humanity, and the life around us. So if the choices you make are not seperating you from life, or love then I wouldn’t call that a bad choice. It is up to your own manifesting.
Good chocies to me this year are still being formed and decided on. But currently I am realizing that a good chocice is one a person makes about something they are comfortable with. If you feel comfortable smoking and it is not harming you psycologically then I don’t think I’d tell said person they were making a bad choice. If a girl wants to go home with a boy for the night and it is not going to harm her in any psycological way. If she is comfortable and her thoughts on that night aren’t going to play any negative part in her life after the fact then is that girl making a “bad choice”? I don’t think she is. We have the freedom to choose, and these choices are up to us. It is up to us to decide if that choice was good, bad or neither. You could just say “hey I made that decision and there it was.” It is what it is. These inner battles we fight with ourselves, should I do this or do that, say this or say that. Are full of over thinking, problem creating bull shit. As I get older I realized that my choices may be judged by others as right or wrong, bad or good but ultimatley the only thing that matters is how that choice affected me. I know that as I continue to learn and grow I will become better at accepting myself in my decisions and learn to let myself find my own truth. I think as a kid I was more concerned with what I had learned was right and wrong instead of maybe what I actually felt and wanted to do. It is not concrete, is that right, or wrong. It’s, is that right for you? What do you want, how do you feel about that. You are you’re own person and it is all based on your own personal perception. So ask yourself, it’s up to you. Be careful in consulting others and remember that their feedback is just that “feedback” from their own personal life experinces.
Be yourself, except for today, it’s Halloween…I’m Iron Man!