Last Monday I received a call while at work that one of my friends had been hit by a drunk driver the Saturday before and was unresponsive on life support. Since then there has been a plethora of emotions swirling around in my brain. My sweet friend that I had grown close to during my freshman and sophomore year of college was now going to be taken off life support that night.
This is my first experience with grieving….it feels a lot like walking in a haunted house.
We had started to grow apart slowly after I graduated but not in a bad way, in a natural we live far away from each other way. No hard feelings just busy with…well life. He was studying to achieve his goal of being an architect and I was started work in the “real world.” Looking back I wish I could have made more time and had more time with him. But I know if he was here right now he would tell me that we had plenty of time together and that he wasn’t mad at me for not calling as much as I used to. I miss him terribly already and wish that I could call him and hear one of his many mannerisms greet me. Trevor was laid to rest on Sunday 2/22/16 in San Antonio in a beautiful turquoise casket. My friend lived less than a quarter of a century on this Earth but “live” he did. And he did it well. He ate the food he loved, chased his dreams, and loved his family & friends fully. He was the type of child parents are proud of. Ambitious, kind, hard-working and loving. This is my first experience with grieving….it feels a lot like walking in a haunted house. I feel like I am walking in the dark following the light I see peering in from cracks in doors, windows and from people. But then suddenly a memory jumps out and makes me smile but then makes my heart hurt as I recall my friend resting peacefully in his casket. I again walk towards the light and make my way through the day only again to see someone in a blue shirt or wearing a fleur de lis remind me of my sweet friend. Instead of trying to fight the heart ache I am welcoming it. I know that this too shall pass and soon the memories of my friend will rest peacefully in my mind and heart. He was loved and he lived a great 24 years. I keep telling myself to follow in his life living ways and use the energy his life spread out upon passing to fuel my walk in love. I like to imagine that when a person passes they are free. Their soul flees from the shell it once inhabited and spreads across the earth. Being whatever and wherever it chooses. Just chasing a warm delightful feeling that must feel like the ultimate love just bursting from within unrestrictedly. I don’t know what Trevor is up to now, but I imagine he is just starting his next great adventure and with that thought I can peacefully continue my adventure here knowing he is with me always.
For everyone and anyone that has someone to miss. We are only as strong as we are because of all of those that have impacted our lives. Death can’t ever take that away.