Playing it Safe

Many people play it safe without realizing it. But I knew I was. The excitement of getting my first job coupled with a nice paycheck, a degree that was being used and happy parents pretty much nailed it. In my generation if you were like me, life was supportive. My Mom and Dad did great to cheer me on and encourage any and all dreams and goals I had but they all had one underlying factor, financial stability. If I ever said I wanted to have a job that may not pay much, my Dad (supportively) would say, but you can’t live below or at the poverty line. AND he was right but that and my somewhat rough post recession family years led me to, without my realizing it plant a seed of doubt in my mind called FEAR. That was my fear. Not making enough money, not taking over all my bills from my parents immediately after graduation. Getting my own health insurance, paying my own rent. The works. So at 15 I got a job and never stopped, I saved and saved and saved with the fear that I’d never have enough to feel successful and like I could do whatever I wanted with my life. I did it all. I cut my self off from their steady collegiate support and got my own health insurance, car insurance, phone plan and rent bills. Happily my parents handed it over and with the utmost pride that made me cry tears of joy. I’ll tell you what, to this day, I don’t regret that for a second it was always a dream of mine and I did it. It makes me feel accomplished, proud, and like a full blown adult. I control my destiny I control my phone bill! BUT let’s get back to that fear. The fear is what kept me rooted in safe jobs, see I don’t think being financially secure necessarily means we are playing it safe that’s a great thing and a necessary thing, but we often settle in jobs that don’t fire up our heart and ignite our true passion because we are able to set our eyes on the weekend and get through each day. Especially if you are like me, small interactions in the day to day can make the whole job seem worth it. Until the inevitable, you lay your head down at night dreading the next 8-11 hour work day, cringing at the thought of your alarm beeping you awake in the morning. BUT we do this to ourselves for the paycheck. With the fear that we can’t survive without it. So my next stop on this journey was clearing my head, it seemed to become very excited and fuzzy with the past weeks happenings but now I want to get back to my main focus. I want to clear the fear. I think each and every one of us has a passion worth firing up and I don’t think we can reach it while we either unknowingly or knowingly settle. If you were to sit back right now and envision your perfect life. Would it include that desk, that keyboard or the coworkers that surround you. Is there a step you can take today in the direction that you imagine? For me, I love Colorado, it always brings me a sense of joy I can’t always explain. I think it’s the natural environment, big boulders, unaltered terrain, and flowing water that make me feel at peace. So I went. Is there somewhere you can go to connect with yourself? Do you dream of a vacation, or do you dream of breaking off a relationship but you’re scared of being alone? Have you had an enough is enough moment? The first big change can be the hardest, for me, finally quitting my job was facing my fear that I won’t have any income coming in and the savings I have worked years and years to grow will start to decrease. Talk about heart palpitations. I also gave up my health insurance from my 2nd company, another job I took out of safety and security, (not to discredit those two very important aspects in life) but it still wasn’t at all where my heart thrived or wanted to be, it was a paycheck. As it was for the majority of my coworkers and like I said in my first post on this new journey, culture breeds everything in a company. My whole life has been my savings and you know what? I let go. It is what it is and it’s just money. I believe once I made that change I set a new ripple effect in motion, as I learn and grow and follow my hearts true joy the money will come, and it’ll be even more plenty than it was before. It’s there and now that I am using it for the first time I believe it has been there all along for me and for my future growth so here I am using it.

If you know enough is enough, that you need a change, or shit’s just not going the way you want it to. You’re unhappy with your body, your life, your significant other etc.

My starting point is this: Focus not on what is wrong with your life right now but instead focus on what is right, and follow that feeling. Why does that feel so good. Why do you day dream about sandy beaches? Maybe you should go to the beach? Why are you afraid of what people think about your weight? Is it really your weight or instead is that unhappiness coming from within you. Can we grow to stop carrying around the fear of un-acceptance and instead love the skin we’re in. We can all take baby steps to find are true joy but I think first we have to look at where we feel that joy in the first place and then what fears are holding you back from feeling more of that joy. Make a list of your worst fears, give them a name and then let go of them. Think about it physically, holding on to a bunch of stuff is whole lot harder than letting things go. You only have two hands….

I know sometimes a place, relationship, or job can feel half right and half wrong. At my first job I simply didn’t want to leave because I loved all the people I worked with. They were so fun to be around but the work was draining, self sabotaging, and left me feeling depressed. I missed my family, the love I had with them, and the joy I felt when I could still get home when the sun was shining. My first relationship had so much joy but that joy would leave me quickly after I left a date or weekend. That joy was misplaced in fantasies and hopes instead of reality. Sit down and analyze your joys and your fears face them both head on, see if letting go of fears will amplify your joy. Tell me about them too! I’d love to hear about what’s going on in your lives.

Stay positive, follow the good feelings, and don’t be afraid. When we do what makes our heart happy, we’re happy and the success will come.

Step 1: Facing my Fears.

Thanks for following me on this journey and for all the encouragement and support.



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